A small step away from solitude.

"The dark is generous.
Its first gift is concealment: our true faces lie in the dark beneath our skins, our true hearts remain shadowed deeper still. But the greatest concealment lies not in protecting our secret truths, but in hiding from us the truths of others.
The dark protects us from what we dare not know.
Its second gift is comforting illusion: the ease of gentle dreams in night's embrace, the beauty that imagination brings to what would repel in day's harsh light. But the greatest of its comforts is the illusion that the dark is temporary: that every night brings a new day. Because it is day that is temporary.
Day is the illusion.
Its third gift is the light itself: as days are defined by the nights that divide them, as stars are defined by the infinite black through which they wheel, the dark embraces the light, and brings it forth from the center of its own self.
With each victory of the light, it is the dark that wins."


When I was younger I was ready for anything. I craved every experience, all the bad and the good. I found people completely fascinating to the core. I wanted to discover the truth about everything, and unfortunately I ended up getting my wish.

When I was younger it was so much easier. I had very little experience in life and with people themselves. It may have been bad luck, but growing up I was surrounded by horrible people. My famlily and "friends". I know most people would like to believe that everyone deep down is good, that they have good intentions and want to help others, that they make mistakes and are naturally kind. I know I did. But the truth is that not everyone is like this. From my point of view and experience in life most people deep inside are bad. That's it, there is no reason or explanation to it, they are just bad. and they want to spread it. They don't want to be the only ones. They want everyone to feel what they feel.

After living in so much pain, a person can lose themselves. Completely lose their goal and perspective. You can forget who you are. That's what happened to me, I tried to wrap my mind around the impossible. I tried to give meaning to things that were pointless. I dove into the darkness thinking I could handle it. I couldn't. I lost myself in the process. I let pain get the best of me, I became weak. I retreated into myself, and learned about every aspect of who I am. It's not that this was a bad thing, it's just that I was alone.

And now I keep everyone out. Because I know better. Because all you'll end up with is pain if you give people a chance. What a cowardly and selfish way of thinking... to just not want to feel hurt anymore.

I met someone amazing. I know better to write about this, to write about a person without really knowing who they are. But it's not about them, it's about how they make me feel. I don't know much of anything about her, nothing about her life, nothing about anything. But I get this feeling that she knows. She knows what I know. She has that thing.. that thing that few people have. That ability to be a real person. Someone who reads in between the lines, someone who is looking for truth as well. And it makes me want to step out of my shell and give people a chance.
Maybe not everyone is so shitty.

What good is the gift of life unless you actually live it? Everyone trys to avoid all the negative feelings without realizing that you learn from them the most. All the good, all the bad, every feeling is worth it. To feel is to be alive. Today i've decided to take a step away from what i've grown comfortable with. Solitude. It's safe, it's comfortable, you can never get hurt if you are alone. But that's not what life is about. The sense of touch.. the physical and emotional feelings you get from other people, that is life. that is living. hurt me, before it's over and i can't be hurt anymore.