Sleeping has to be one of the greatest things life has to offer. People always used to tell me that I feel depressed because I sleep to much, but I always thought I was depressed because I did not sleep enough. 8-12 hours is normal for someone my age, right? I'd be happy if I were in a coma for a few months. Do you dream when you're in a coma?
I have a recurring dream. I don't remember when it first started, I just know it happens often, probably more than I think given the fact that I can't remember most of my dreams.
It starts off with me yelling at my little sister. I always imagine her in this situation where she ends up choosing to do drugs, like the rest of my family. I always get so upset and try to take her with me, to save her, but she never comes. Then I end up running. And I run forever, I jump over fences, I run past houses, I try to fly away but I only get so high in the sky before I fall back to the ground. The sensation I feel as I run is indescribable, but I can tell you it hurts. Not like a physical pain, but a very uncomfortable feeling. The dream always ends with me right back where I started, staring at my sister as she is about to make the wrong choice.
I don't know anything about dream interpretation, but I can guess what this means. My little sister started out so innocent, and I talked to her about everything. I tried to help her and give her advice because she was just as confused as I was because of the people that we were forced to grow up with. But in the end she made up her own mind. Life happend to her, and now she's heading down a dangerous path. I can do nothing but watch, because now she doesn't even want to listen. She just wants to get fucked up all the time.
My little sister actually isn't my real sister at all. I consider her as my sister, because i've known her all my life and she's the only person in my family whom i've felt any kind of closeness with. She is my mothers girlfriends daughter. My older sister is my real sister, but we don't talk. I could never get close to her growing up because I could never understand how she could be so cruel to everyone around her, so I always shut her out. Even today I wont let her get close to me.
It's kind of ironic, the dream is like a metaphor from my unconcious mind telling me "YOU FAILED. YOU COULD NOT SAVE ANYONE. NOT EVEN YOURSELF." I know that I could've tried harder or set a better example when I was younger, but life happend to me also.
I want to fall asleep and dream again.
Maybe next time i'll get the hang of it, and fly far far away.
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